Skulls Lone Bikers
International Motorcycle Club
Founded in 1965
Donít let the
"Silent Skulls dot Camaraderie On Motorcycles"
You never see a
parked outside of a psychiatrist's office
Bikers are always asking Why?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
Why is bra singular and panties plural?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
Why is it called after dark when it really is after light?
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
Why do slow down and slow up mean the same thing?
Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why is silent skulls plural when lone biker is singular?
MC Barbecue Pit
Born to be wild!
Life is not
a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and
well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally
worn out, and loudly proclaiming: Wow... What a Ride!!!
Bikers' View of
The Married Woman's Harley
The Married Man's Harley...
An attractive woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona and her car broke down.
An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town. She climbed up behind him on the horse and they rode off.
The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-ha-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.
When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e ha-a-a-a!" and rode off."What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.
"Nothing. I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off," the woman answered.
"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles".
Why Motorcycles Are Better Than Women!
Motorcycles don't get pregnant.
Motorcycles don't complain about always being on the bottom.
Motorcycles will give you a good ride every time you mount it.
When you get a motorcycle it doesn't come with a mother in law.
When you go looking for rings, they are measured in CC's, not karats.
When your are done with your motorcycle, it's still worth something.
Your motorcycle is happy with whatever time your spend on her.
Your motorcycle will never leave you for another rider.
The only place your motorcycle wants to be is between your legs.
You can ride a motorcycle at any time of the month.
You can share your motorcycle with your friends.
A motorcycle is less expensive than a woman.
Motorcycles are better than women because they will take you anywhere.
A guy goes on vacation to the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law.
The mother-in-law dies, so the couple go to an undertaker who explains that they can ship the body home, but it will cost over $5,000, whereas burying her in the Holy Land would cost only $150.
"We'll ship her home," says the couple.
The undertaker asks, "Are you sure? That's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here."
The couple say, "Look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
Does it ring a bell?
A company is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs, at different levels, some climbing up, some climbing down.
The monkeys on the top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes.
Hi there SSLBs,
" Just to let you know that I still have not received my membership kit !!! I have looked up the tracking no. that you sent me, and the package seemed to be bouncing between the USA and the UK. Just to give you an update..... package that you dispatched has now been to U.K. and back to U.S.A. three times.....as of today it was delivered to San Francisco CA at 8:24 am. unsuccessfully. I have emailed USPS three times and telephoned them from the U.K. four times but no joy. I have called U.S. Customs and also emailed them.....I have called the Royal Mail here in England.....I have spoken to people in the U.K. Customs.....and still, a month later my membership kit is still in the U.S.!!!! As I had already paid $38 for Express Delivery the package must have been insured so could a claim be made at your end ? If Express Delivery is a month or more how long is normal delivery???"
SSLB Blade, UK.
Hello SSLB Blade,
" SSLBs were told by the local USPS office that the package had arrived UK. Shipping this package by Express Mail should get there in 3 days but shit happened! In talking to the mailman, he said, " Express Mail is only for delivery not for return. " The package went by Concord Jet to your door steps but the mailman couldn't find your house number so it was returned to us on a slow boat from China, and we finally received it back a month later. When we got the package, it looked like had been in a war zone so we had to repack it in another new box. We will send it out tomorrow morning by Global Express Insured Mail AGAIN! Don't worry! Be patient! SSLB membership is life time! "
Silly Skully says, " SHIT HAPPENS!!! "
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in the shed. She could see from the bedroom window. As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned the police, and they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would send someone over as soon as they were available.
I said, "OK" then hung up. I waited a minute then phoned the police back.
"Hello. I just called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now 'cause I've shot them all."
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit, the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
I replied, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
The Top Ten Reasons To Ride Your Bike Naked:
10. Gives "bad day" a whole new meaning.
9. Diverts attention from the fact that you also riding drunk.
8. Fast way to get a road tan.
7. Inventive way to cool off your engine.
6. Takes advantage of less weight for a better mileage.
5. Stops the grease from getting on your leathers.
4. No one ever steals your money when they see where you keep it.
3. No one ever steals your seat.
2. Wants to see if it's like a real biker dream.
1. Ride free!
The 12 Skull Steps of
1. We admitted that we were powerless over seriousness that our lives have become un- manageable skulls.
2. Came to believe that only by lightening up the skull could we achieve a state of non-seriousness.
3. Made a decision to turn our constant self-criticism over to our skull sense of humor to learn "lovingly and whole-heartedly" laugh at ourselves.
4. Decided to give ourselves a break once in a while, instead of constantly searching and fearless moral inventories of ourselves.
5. Admitted to your highest, to ourselves, and to another skulls that our wrongs were often.
6. Were entirely ready to accept that our skull characters were as good as anybody else's and possibly better than most non-skulls.
7. Quit harping on our shortcomings.
8. Made of list of all persons we thought we had harmed and saw that they'd forgot all the crap we had blown out of proportion.
9. Quit making amends for breathing air and taking up a few square feet of the planet's surface.
10. Resigned ourselves to the fact we were going to criticize ourselves at times, but would try to stick to our skull guts when we knew we were right.
11. Sought through skull prayer and skull meditation to calm down and realize we are not responsible for everything or anybody else.
12. Having experienced immense relief from these skull steps, we would try to carry this message to other over-serious non-skull bikers and to practice these principles in all of our riding.
DATE RAPE DRUG TARGETS MALES
Police warn all male clubbers, party-goers and unsuspecting pub regulars to keep alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market, called "beer", is used by females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form, and is now available almost anywhere.
"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to convince their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no-strings attached sex.
Men are rendered helpless against this approach: After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. Men often awaken after being given "beer" with only hazy memories of exactly what has happened to them the night before, just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are stung for their life's worth in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". Apparently men are easier victims of this scam after "beer" is administered and have previously been sexually approached. Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.
However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly-affected, like-minded guys. For the nearest such support group near you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
New information about beer
You have to hope that this study is flawed, but the evidence seems irrefutable. Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, argued over nothing, failed to think rationally, had to sit down while urinating, couldn't perform sexually, and refused to apologize when wrong. No further testing is planned.
A little old lady has always wanted to join a local biker club, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy, bearded Silent Skull lone biker with tattoos all over his arms answers the door.
She proclaims, "I want to join your club."
The biker was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join. The biker asks, "Do you have a motorcycle?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep... my bike's parked over there", and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, "Do you drink?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...drink like a fish. I'll drink any man in your club under the table."
The biker asks, "Do you smoke?"
The little old lady replies, "Yep...smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and three joints a day and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I'm shooting pool."
The biker is very impressed and asks, "Last question, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?"
"Nope ... but I've been swung around by my nipples a few times."
Rules of the road
RESPECT THE PERSON WHO HAS SEEN THE DARK SIDE OF MOTORCYCLING AND LIVED!
Saddlebags can never hold everything you want, but they can hold everything you need.
WEAR HEAVY BOOTS. You can't kick things when you're wearin' sneakers.
NEVER argue with a woman holding a torque wrench.
Routine maintenance should never be neglected.
It takes more love to share the saddle than it does to share the bed.
The only good view of a thunderstorm is in your rearview mirror.
Never be afraid to slow down.
Only bikers understand why dogs love to stick their heads out car windows.
Bikes don't leak oil, they mark their territory.
Never ask a biker for directions if you're in a hurry to get there.
If it takes more than 3 bolts to hold it on, it's probably crucial.
Remember that you will be judged by the Horse you ride on.
Don't ride so late into the night that you sleep through the sunrise
Pie and Coffee are as important as gasoline.
The number of kicks it takes to start your bike is directly proportional to the number of spectators.
Never ask your bike to scream before her throat is good and warm
Sometimes it takes a whole tank full of gas before you can think straight.
WHEN STOPPED SAY: "JUST PASSING THROUGH."
If you want to get a job, you may have to compromise your principals, you may even have to shave.
Riding faster than everyone else only guarantees you'll ride alone.
Never hesitate to ride past the last street light at the edge of town.
Never mistake Horsepower for staying power.
A good rider has balance, judgment, and good timing. So does a good lover.
A cold hamburger can be reheated quite nicely by strapping it to an exhaust pipe and riding forty miles.
Never do less then forty miles before breakfast.
If you don't ride in the rain, you don't ride.
A bike on the road is worth 2 in the shop.
When you look down the road, it seems to never ends but you better believe it does.
Young riders pick a destination and go... Old riders pick a direction and go.
Overconfidence can be supplied by spare spark plugs, a set of wrenches, and a roll of toilet paper.
ADVICE IS FREE AND WORTH EVERY PENNY!
Sometimes the fastest way to get there is to stop for the night.
Always back your scoot into the curb-and sit where you can see it
Work to ride-Ride to work.
Whatever it is, its better in the wind.
Two lane blacktop isn't a highway-its an attitude.
Good coffee should be indistinguishable from 50 weight motor oil.
A biker can smell a party 5,000 miles away.
Keep your bike in good repair.
Motorcycle boots are NOT comfortable for walking.
People are like motorcycles: each is customized a bit differently
More races were won in the tavern than on the track.
Never loan your bike to someone else, and never ride another's.
If the bike isn't braking properly, you don't start by rebuilding the engine.
Remember to pay as much attention to your partner as you do your carburetor.
Sometimes the best communication happens when you're on separate bikes.
WELL-TRAINED REFLEXES ARE QUICKER THAN LUCK.
The best alarm clock is sunshine on Chrome.
Learn to do counterintuitive things that may someday save your butt.
Beware the biker whose ink peels off.
If you really want to know what's going on, watch what's happening at least 5 cars ahead.
Don't make a reputation you'll have to live down or run away from later.
Smoke and grease can hide a multitude of errors, but only for so long.
A friend is someone who'll get out of bed at 2am to drive his pickup to the middle of nowhere to get you when you're broken down.
If she changes her oil more than she changes her mind-follow her
The thicker your oil, the hotter you can take it.
Catchin? a June bug @ 70 mph can double your vocabulary.
If you want to get somewhere before sundown, you can't stop at every tavern.
Hunger can make even roadkill taste good.
YOU GOTTA TO BE SMART ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND THE RULES OF MOTORCYCLING, AND DUMB ENOUGH TO THINK THE GAMES IMPORTANT!
Motorcycle Statistics In America
Plus or minus 20 million bikers
Date: day before last
Accuracy: depending on the economy
Harley Davison only 27%
All others 2%
Average age riders 38 years old
Average age women bikers 48 years old.
Men bikers 44% with some college education
Women 8% (one woman biker for every 12 men bikers)
Women bikers 57% some college education
Married riders 62%
Blue collar workers 26%
White collar workers 33%
Other workers 10%
Free-loader not working bikers 28%
Lost bikers 3%
Bikers who like fishing for second hobby 20%
Bikers who like hunting for second hobby 14%
Harley Davidson Riders:
Average age rider 45 years old
Your lone thoughts may lead to Silent Skull's destiny...
Watch your thoughts, they become biker's words.
Watch your words, they become biker's actions.
Watch your actions, they become biker's habits.
Watch your habits, they become biker's character.
Watch your character, they become biker's destiny.